Joke Thread!! - Ezud.com

Vanity · #1 06-22-2009, 01:52 PM

Post some jokes! just post any jokes that are funny. It doesn't matter if you took it off another site, as long as its funny.

here are some.

What if you named your dog....Mypenis

Mypenis...Look at what would happen...

Mypenis ate my homework.
Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!
Sorry Im late. I was playing with Mypenis.
Im sorry, Officer. I didnt realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.
Mypenis doesnt come when I call it.
Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
I love giving Mypenis a bath.
At night, I sleep with Mypenis in my hands.
Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!me
Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.
I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.
I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
I think Mypenis is getting old because he wont get excited anymore. He just plays dead.
Mypenis got out last night. I think hes sleeping with the lady next door.
If Mypenis was a weinerdog, he would be long and hairy and hard to carry.
Mypenis loves to chase pussies in dark alleys.
Help! I cant find Mypenis!
Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.
Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.
Sorry to be driving so fast, officer - I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.
Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ugly again

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

Theyre all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps his fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:"Makeem all ugly again".

Vista · #2 06-22-2009, 02:26 PM

Lmfao at the last one. ;DD

Vanity · #3 06-22-2009, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alaska

Lmfao at the last one. ;DD

i laugh at that joke every 30-50 minutes.

**Jello** · #4 06-22-2009, 08:04 PM

Rofl. Loved the second one. MOAR MOAR MOAR!

Vanity · #5 06-22-2009, 08:45 PM

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesnt seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, lets make sure hes dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Vanity · #6 06-22-2009, 08:53 PM

In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a mans penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $80,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasureduring sex.

After the study was published, the University of South Carolina decided to do their own study. After $250,000, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted
their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a mans hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

btw, did you know that every redneck has a black person in their family tree? yeah....he's been hanging there for like 3 months.

**EleXtroSeXual** · #7 06-23-2009, 07:51 AM

I demand black jokes.

Steve · #8 06-23-2009, 11:03 AM

LOL'd at the last one. Roflmao. Typical pwners. XD

Nachos · #9 06-23-2009, 06:57 PM

A boy gets a bike for Christmas and goes outside and rides it. A police officer on a horse pulls him over and asks if Santa gave him that bike for Christmas and the boy says "yes." Then the Police officer says "well tell Santa next time to put a tail light on it." and gives the boy a $20 fine. The boy asks the officer on the horse if Santa gave him that horse for Christmas. The police officer says jokingly "Yes" and the boy said "well next time tell Santa to put the asshole on the back of the horse, not on top of it."

Vanity · #10 06-23-2009, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hate

A boy gets a bike for Christmas and goes outside and rides it. A police officer on a horse pulls him over and asks if Santa gave him that bike for Christmas and the boy says "yes." Then the Police officer says "well tell Santa next time to put a tail light on it." and gives the boy a $20 fine. The boy asks the officer on the horse if Santa gave him that horse for Christmas. The police officer says jokingly "Yes" and the boy said "well next time tell Santa to put the asshole on the back of the horse, not on top of it."

hahah. finally, somebody contributed to the thread ;)