How to Own a Virus

[Lust]

So you have a virus. Or wait, you think you have a virus. This is a guide that will let you know what to do if you get a virus, or think you get one, before you go all commando style on your computer.

1.) Check Startup
If the virus isn't able to start up, then it's not going to affect you.
There are two problems to this, the virus could be kernel level(meaning you HAVE to reformat) or BIOS level, which means you're fucked royaly.

There are a few ways to do this, but I'm going to show all.
A.) MSCONFIG - This is probably the easiest step in the process.
Go to Start > Run > Msconfig
Follow these directions:

After you exit, you should get some prompt telling you to restart, hit,"Exit without restart".
Open Msconfig again and do these instructionsthis is another form of startup that will be covered later)


B.) Registry - This is probably going to be where you find most of your viruses.
Go to Start > Run > Regedit
When opened hit "Ctrl + F" and type in RunOnce. What you are trying to find is a folder on the left, not a registry key, if you get one hit F3.
Once RunOnce is found, you should see other folders, such as, RunOnceEx, Run, RunServices, and maybe others. Go through each of these folders and delete all the values but the default. Hit F3 and keep doing this until you search through the entire registry.

C.) System Files - Startup in this instance is probably going to be the least possible occurrence.
The files are located in C:\Windows or C:\Windows\System32 and are "BOOT.ini, WIN.ini, and System.ini" open each one of these files and look for "load=" if you see it, remove that line.

D.) Startup Folder, this is an abnormal place for viruses, but you still should check. Hit Start > All Programs > Startup, this folder is located C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Start Menu\Programs\Startup\ on XP, not sure about vista.


At this point I would recommend restarting your computer. If the virus is still affecting you read on.

2.) Get a better virus scanner. Shitty virus scanners are: AVG, Norton, Mcaffe, and Avast. A few I recommend are Nod32, Avira, and Kaspersky. If you don't feel like downloading the whole thing and installing it, you can get your files scanned online(good approach, as you can use many AV's)
Links to some:

Nod32 - http://www.eset.com/onlinescan/
F-Secure - http://support.f-secure.com/enu/home/ols.shtml
Kaspersky - http://www.kaspersky.com/virusscanner
Panda - http://www.pandasecurity.com/homeusers/solutions/activescan/

3.) At this point, if you still have a virus, chances are this guide won't help you get rid of it. Now I recommend getting a good firewall, for XP, I recommend Sygate(although it's discontinued), for Vista, I recommend, sadly, Zone Alarm.

I hope this guide has helped, I have helped Tyriq and Flip remove their virii and it only took me step 1.

I am providing help over TeamViewer(Remote Support), message me on MSN.

[#MrC]

Well, NOD32 will get rid of 99% of your virusses, the 1% being the newest virusses that aren't in their most recent update. (Which doesn't happen all that much)

[Lust]

Originally Posted by #MrC

Well, NOD32 will get rid of 99% of your virusses, the 1% being the newest virusses that aren't in their most recent update. (Which doesn't happen all that much)

I don't agree with that.
I say that Nod32 detects 90% of the viruses. 2% haven't been in the recent update. and 8% are undetectable and won't become detectable for a reasonable amount of time, but the percentage stays as more and more are made.

[Pure]

use malwarebytes, it removes the viruses with advanced computer techniques, and permanently. I removed about 80 trojans off a Computer Room in like 30 minutes and its so simple.

[Lust]

Originally Posted by Pure

use malwarebytes, it removes the viruses with advanced computer techniques, and permanently. I removed about 80 trojans off a Computer Room in like 30 minutes and its so simple.

This is easier, and makes sure it stops.

[I C E]

or you just scan your computer....

[Vista]

Originally Posted by I C E

or you just scan your computer....

That's what this is talking about in the guide..
That is what we call spam here.

Thanks for posting, hope my computer is clean. >.>
*goes to scan*